inkskinned:

you only ever love people in a tidal wave, irresponsibly, a rush of passion. you want to believe in the inevitable real romance. the one. oh, you’ve done the reading and know how unlikely it all is.

but you wake up with that sad little heart of yours, that pathetic hope. over and over. it bleats from your chest, little lamb you trot out again. this time it will be spring. this time, with your hands over your head - you’ll no longer be surrendering. this time, when you love, it will come back to you, beautiful and whole.

what a horrible curse. you have no idea how to make love into spare parts. it arrives inside of you, fully formed and hungry. you cannot nibble, have no self-control. you know better. you keep being offered up like a slaughter. dragged by your throat.

but how can you help it? in this great world, isn’t it so pretty. maybe some people were meant for this. to keep getting up while their wounds are still bleeding.

this time! this time when you pull your hands into their hair, they will not strike to the bone. this time, when you sigh their name, they will not bury you in silence, reduce you to stone. this time. this time. this time. they’ll love you back equally.

and you won’t be so horribly alone.

I hope I live to see

the day my pain

turns into art,

the day I emerge

and in my reflection

I see that

I finally have my wings:

beauty in its raw form,

the kind of beauty

that says I made it.

Beauty that tells a story.

Beauty that doesn’t

need words, but

commands you to listen;

I made it, you see?

I made it, and

so will you.

vangoghcore:

by jitabebe

i think a lot about how, when i was younger, i never managed to zero in on a singular idea of what i wanted to be one day. it blew my mind how people decided what career they wanted for themselves and chased that dream until they achieved it. but me, i’ve known from the age of thirteen that i just wanted to be someone else. i guess that i couldn’t ever decide what to do and stick to it because i was always destined to be nobody, anyway. i have nothing to show for all the hours and years i have given to try and figure out who i am and to keep people from ever being upset with me. i have become everything i never wanted to be. i don’t care anymore. there’s no point in trying.

mushfae:

roversrovers:

The Hubble Space Telescope vs The JWST

Same target, a whole new universe

(via vangoghcore)

inkskinned:

to think of it now, i wonder at how much i was willing to overlook. there were so many promises and so few moments where those promises came to fruit. it was always going to be a better day tomorrow; i just had to ride out the tornado of today. it was always who-you-could-be and very rarely who you chose to portray.

i miss you, of course. an idea is too big to lose. when you love someone who is so blisteringly perfect on so few occasions, you trick yourself into sleeping through the storm’s thrall. you worship those little moments of proof, those tiny evidences that they are good. you walk on eggshells by accident - somewhere along the line, you were taught to.

oh, i love you, i know this. i am so lonely i feel i must break open and split myself onto this floor and they will have to mop up my pieces. your name scribbled on the inside of my skin, over and over again.

and for what? you always had one foot out the door. and i was always, foolishly, totally - all-in.